Three Bathrooms, One Diet Coke with Splenda, and My New Job

(posted by Heather)

Life in the Biology Department is just dandy. Amongst other office tasks, this week I helped find a "creative" way to mail a small box of live flies to Peru, once we found out that UPS, FexEx, and the US Postal Service were not interested in handling the package. "Creative" more or less means illegal. No joke. My job. And the flies will be in Peru by Monday. Like magic.

If you were to ask me what I like best about my job, I'd likely reply, "lunch and recess," much like a 4th grader when asked what they like best about school. Only - I'd be kidding about recess. Not lunch though. The hour I get every day for lunch away from the office feels superfluously luxurious, coming from United Way where you were allowed a half hour and I generally chose to eat/work my way through lunch at my desk.

Today, over my lunch break, I heated up some delicious leftover stuffed peppers and headed to the 3rd floor lounge in the "New Science Building" (I work in the "Old Science Building" which is connected to the "New Science Building"). I ate my stuffed peppers, I drank my V-8, and then I opened my can of Diet Coke with Splenda. I'd been looking forward to it all morning as sick as that might be. I'd used exactly 17 minutes of my lunch hour.

I then realized that it was silly of me to be inside as the weather was nice and there were plenty of places to sit just outside the building. Before going outside, however, I decided to take another few minutes of my lunch hour to quickly use the bathroom. But I had an open & full can of soda. That I'd be looking forward to drinking all morning. What to do, what to do?

Well - I decided to carry my soda to the bathroom and then carefully place it in my lunch bag while I used the facilities. So I walked down to the 1st floor only to find that the restroom there was closed for cleaning. Being new and not knowing, I inquired if there was another restroom on that floor. Nope. One per floor.

Now, having already thought too much about using the bathroom, I really had to pee and headed up to the 2nd floor. And guess what - that restroom was also closed for cleaning...

Exactly 21 minutes into my lunch hour, I returned to the 3rd floor (only steps away from the lounge I ate my lunch in), eye balls floating... I thought I had found success - not closed for cleaning! So I carefully placed my can of soda into my lunch bag, entered the restroom, chose my stall, set my lunch bag down and rested my purse against it to hold the soda upright and latched the stall...

And then heard - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK "Custodial staff." Startled, I bumped my lunch bag, tipped over my soda, and hollered out, "One minute please!"

Yep. Soda gone. 37 minutes left in my lunch hour and the best I could muster was, "At least they have something to clean up now."